Connecting Over Winter Break

Winter break is a much anticipated time of the year for both students and their families. You are excited for your student to return home and spend time with family while your student is excited to finally have a break from the hectic fall semester. These two thought processes are conflicting; you may want to spend time with your student and do activities with them while they may want to have time to themselves and take a breather from busy days. This can cause friction between students and families. 

The most important thing for you to do with your student when they come home is to communicate. Here are some suggested questions to ask your student to evaluate their mood:

• How are you feeling? (Encourage them to answer honestly)
• What would you like to do over the break?
• How can I make you comfortable while you are at home?
• Is there anything that you don’t want to talk about while you’re home that I should avoid bringing up?

Questions like these will show your student that you care for them and want them to feel comfortable while they are on their break. It’s okay to make the conversation more about them and less about it. Try avoiding conversations about their personal life. If they want to talk about it, they will more than likely bring it up. Prying for information about their experiences while they were away can lead them to be even more closed off and less willing to share that part of their life with you. 

When it comes to everyday activities, ask your student what it is that they want to do. If they want to do nothing, that’s okay. Allow them time to relax and unwind. They will likely want to do more activities after a few days of relaxation. Avoid pressuring them into activities or making them feel guilty for supposedly not wanting to spend time with family. Give them space if they request it. Remember, they just finished an entire semester with a full course load and extracurriculars on top of that. They are probably exhausted.

If your student isn’t coming home for winter break, find other ways to stay connected with them. Communicating with them about what they want is important in this situation as well. Try asking them questions like these:

• How often would you like to be in touch?
• Can we set a schedule for when we will talk?
• Is there a time that works for you to come home for a short amount of time?
• Is there a time that works for you where we can come visit you?

If they aren’t coming home, there is probably a reason for that. Whether it’s distance, a demanding work schedule, lack of transportation, etc., it’s important to make them feel guilty for being away. Asking to come and visit them for the holidays could be a very meaningful gesture that shows that you just want to be with them, wherever that may be. If you are unable to meet up with them at any time, try sending them gifts or other tokens of your love in the mail so that they know that you’re thinking of them. As for communication, set a time for when you’re all available to call or video chat with them. This is a great way to stay connected at a distance.

Winter break is exactly that: a break. Let your student relax and unwind, and try your best to accommodate their schedule. Above all else, just let them know that you love and care about them and are happy to spend time with them, whether it be physically or remotely.